wat bout pragnant strippers??
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
