I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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