She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
