I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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