I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
