i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
