her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He shit in the fireplace
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
