And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
