I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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