First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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