also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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