We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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