I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
