FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
