Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
