I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
