She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have post one night stand depression
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
