Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
