I love black thongs
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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