you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize