Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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