she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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