So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
