I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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