its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to make out with him forever
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
