Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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