i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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