All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
