Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
