She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
