he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
