Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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