I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
