I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
