It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
