So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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