When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
love makes seman taste better
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Someone signed my nipple.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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