i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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