tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
