You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
