ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
