The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
