I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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