My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
