season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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