Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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