I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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