You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
