If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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