apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
