Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
