idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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