brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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