Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
