i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drake has all the answers
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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