She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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