I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize