brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
