This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize