"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
