Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
