At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
