you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
