She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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