So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
