she was so not down for the gang bang
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need a beard to bite.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
false alarm, still single
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
