I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
