You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
