2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
