do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
