her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
