:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh god it's open bar.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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