I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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